It is a strange twist of fate that I finished my last blog post a year ago talking about mental health, anxiety, and how much gardening has been a blessing for me. I ended that post by writing the words 'growing something is a sign of hope for the future'. Ever since that same day last year I've not stopped needing that hope and optimism for the future... Sadly on May 29th, 2020 my big sister Joanna lost her long battle with cancer at the young age of 37. I had just posted the last blog post earlier that day, later that night I got a call from my mum to tell me the heartbreaking news. Luckily I had recently been to see her as the COVID cases were improving slightly at the time and something in my gut told me to go to her. It was a difficult decision as I had been very strict with myself to not go and see any of my family as they were all considered 'vulnerable' in some way to this virus. We cremated Jo a month later and we went into the Summer of 2020 with pain in our hearts, but also a new togetherness that led to some great moments in the garden.
We had a few impromptu bbqs in my under-construction deck area and shared some family stories that were very enlightening. Losing Jo made me want to cherish every single moment that I had with my family, but little did I know that there were fewer moments left than I had ever thought possible...
On October 28th, 2020 my beautiful mother also passed away with complications involving a very short battle with colon cancer. Just writing this now I still can't believe she is gone.. I thought I had so much more time with her. My mum is a big part of the reason why I started working on the garden in the first place. I wanted my mum and dad to have a beautiful place they could go to in retirement, to help keep them active, because I have seen it work wonders for my grandad healthwise. I take solace in knowing my mum used to tell me that she loved looking out of the kitchen window at her "beautiful garden"... Just hearing those words from her made all the hard work worth it.
I know this is A LOT and this is supposed to be a gardening blog, but I feel you guys needed to know what has been going on in my life. This will hopefully also go some way towards explaining why I have been so inactive. My life will never be the same, and it hasn't been, not to even mention the effects of this bloody never-ending pandemic! I could say so much more about my mental state and feelings of literally the worst year of my life, but I want to try and keep this as positive as I can. If I can get through this year with the love of friends, family and gardening to keep me going, it will hopefully inspire you to do whatever you love no matter what that is.... that's why I have named this post 'Growth'. I've had to grow as a person and be stronger than I ever thought I was capable of. I have to be strong for my niece, who lost her mum, and my dad, who lost his wife... I need to have some hope for my own future. Which beautifully brings us back full circle to what a wise man once said: 'growing something is a sign of hope for the future'.
Gardening has never been more important for me and my mental health. When I am able to see a plant I have nurtured for months reward me with its first bloom... the feeling is priceless. The hard work continues on my Watford balcony and in my family garden, where I have created areas dedicated to both of the amazing women I have lost, that make me feel closer to them as I garden. It genuinely breaks my heart that I will never have another family bbq with my mum and sister present, but one thing is certain - I will continue to grow and make the kitchen window view a good one for you mum.
Dedicated to Joanna Foster Aileru 25/01/1983 - 29/05/2020
&
Winsome (Cherry) Foster - Aileru 26/02/1956 - 28/10/2020
Condolences on your sister and mom’s loss Steven. I had known your sister many years ago ironically she was buying concert tickets from Ticketmaster. I pray for your family as you and your niece have both loss a parent.
Stay strong and Thoughts & Prayers 🙏🏾